Mental Tension

“The last temptation is the greatest treason: to do the right deed for the wrong reason.” — T.S. Eliot

Did This Book Change Your Mind?

My English class had to read Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be by Frank Bruni during the summer, and I thought that it was actually a really good book.

I had the sense that I was required to go to some top college throughout elementary school and middle school. However, I had also always been a bit of a contrarian, so that definitely made me think more critically about how important the prestige of a college actually was after reading the book.

A few weeks ago, after analyzing the book in class, the teacher asked whether it actually changed any of our minds about the nature of college. In my mind, I believed that at least like five out of 20+ of my classmates would have raised their hands.

I was the only one.

On the Spot

So, I had to explain myself, a position that I find intimidating.

I roughly awkwardly stated, “Well, before reading the book, I cared a lot about college. After I read the book, I just don’t really care that much about it anymore.”

“Seriously?!” she exclaimed incredulously.

So, I testified, “Yeah, I’m just chilling now.”

Repercussions

I became public enemy after that situation, and I don’t regret it (kind of). My teacher actually said that I had an interesting persona on Friday. I will get back to that later.

We swapped seats recently, and my new deskmates are seeing me in an impressed, envious, and whatever else way.

I could tell because when we were discussing the logos of MLK’s letter from the jail, I said that the clergymen were arguing on the basis of a society’s laws representing their morals. Breaking those laws would then make one immoral. Then, I said that America’s laws are based on Judeo-Christian morals, and King turns that against them.

After I explained what I thought was common knowledge, they were totally stunned in a hilarious way. One even said, “So that’s what goes on in the mind of someone who doesn’t worry about college…” Then, this person muttered, “Could probably get accepted to any one anyway…”

Stuck in a Rut

In this situation, what I found funny and kind of sad was only partially that they were still stuck on the idea what I said weeks ago, but what was funnier was how they were unable to comprehend what I actually said because of how stuck they were.

I’ve actually noticed this as a reoccuring pattern for the classmates I try to teach programming to. They will come to me with a broken piece of code and I will tell them some steps and tell them to repeat it back to me. Afterward, I tell them to write what they stated in words into code. Problem is, they lack the fundamental syntax foundation to actually execute what they want to do.

It’s like trying to build an apartment complex on a swamp (the ground is too mushy).

Ladders and Snakes

After witnessing one of my favorite teachers become stricter in an attempt to teach an unattentive, naughty class, my new belief is that it is important to understand how to make the massive improvements from a lower position to a higher one over making the incremental ones.

I have racked my brain for hours thinking of how I would even begin to approach that situation as a teacher. If I were to teach a class of well-behaved students, it would be pretty easy; the only type of interaction that has to take place is when I one-sidedly spew information and they absorb it. The same cannot be said for a group of students who are not paying attention.

So, my goal is to get you to stop worrying so much. However, you are educated/indoctrinated, so it won’t be easy. For the uninitiated, it would be easy to say, “No fear!” but for you, it will require some different remedy.

Mental Tension

To get from one mindset to another, it requires some force or pressure to be applied.

Whenever I am judging something or making a decision, I have to hold a conversation with myself. In these moments, I feel as if I do not exist as one person, but two opposing forces.

Think of your mind as a web with your opinions as fibers. Some fibers are set in place and only pull one way because its side has years on years of other networks fibers supporting it. To loosen that particular string, you need to add support in the opposite direction enough so that you can bring yourself to even consider it.

So, expose yourself to more ideas and people that suggest the opposite of what you believe.

Uncomfy

Let’s say that you are willing to change because you know it is better for you to relax.

However, you may still find this tension naturally, instinctively uncomfortable. That is because the brain does not accept tension so easily; the aged brain would rather remain static.

However, I guess that is the fundamental step in learning; when the grounded reason of the authentic human mind overcomes the raw emotion and desires of the experienced animal brain.

Perhaps, you would prove to yourself that you are capable of true learning, and more than capable of going to some institution of learning. Perhaps, you would prove to yourself that learning requires no fancy modifiers or prestige. Perhaps, you would prove to yourself that you love learning. Perhaps, you would prove

to yourself.

Conclusion

I had always thought that someone of good character was supposed to be able to make the right decision when it mattered, and it would not be a matter of choice. However, that type of person cannot exist because each action is formed by the continuous work done by the tension of the mind.

Anyway, to the teacher who thinks I am so interesting: I’m just not comfortable being unfiltered in that setting. For example, on a lot of occasions that a difficult question was posed, I thought of the exact words you would use to explain the answer, but I just didn’t feel like saying it. We might actually have a lot in common because of how much comedic content I consume involving the thoughts of comedians on joke-crafting and the art as a whole, but I just don’t feel comfortable doing that anymore as a result of having to behave completely differently.